i'm not gonna lie

it's hard.

it's hard not to think of you.

everything about this is hard.

maturity

i don't think it's the alcohol talking,

but i may be ready for an adult relationship.

i need to at least try.

too many adolescent habits.

inherent nature

human cravings are insatiable.

just look at me. guilty!

blood

why is it so hard to be compassionate towards my parents?

give me the needle

i think i may have found an answer,
something to cover up the scars.

i think the pain of the procedure would be far less excruciating than the pain i have lived with, the pain i still live with, and the pain i will surely live with.

drastic measure are okay.
i have to cope. i need this.

humiliation and nakedness

i wish god couldn't see or know my every thought.

blurry

will i have this anxiety my entire life?
how disparaging.

i do not see how i can change on my own.
i cannot even go on.

say it all you must

i deserve this;
(of course i do)

neat,
that still doesn't help.

since when does declaring anything make life any less... stormy?

mostly

it feels like there are too many
moments/opportunities
in which i am prone to failure.

honestly, i feel inept in life.
i don't mean to say i fail more often than i succeed,
or do i? it's probable.

jesus wept

made in god's image.
i think that's how it goes.

his likeness.
jesus cried,
but he never had this.

i reflect neither,
so what am i exactly?

but where does it lead?

everyone is trying to survive in this world.
and i am one of them.

tomorrow says rosie

do opposites attract?

i think i am too opposite.
i'm afraid she'll find out just how opposite i am... was...
but what i will be. that is different.
i can be different.

it makes my chest tense... knowing that i fail in so many areas of life.
i wish i hadn't failed god so long ago, and done nothing about it.

lifeless. helpless.

i need touch like everyone else.
please give me another chance.

if a woman could tame

we laughed together
we shared ice cream
we hugged as i left...

i have spent too much of my life in depression

i am already thankful she has come into my life

i cannot help but wonder if we might be more

so much failure.

she sobbed for a good hour.
maybe even three.
i can barely stand the guilt.

[one of my best friends].

i am better off far away from everything. and everyone.
i am not meant for this world. relocation is a must.

thankful

she is right.
no major tragedies,
no close deaths,
nothing major,
healthy childhood.

sometimes all you need is a friend to point out the goodness in life.
she is right.

regret will not define me

so much quitting, never enough trying.
did i limit the life ahead of me?
too much pressure for a child, i'd say.
but the roads
the paths
the doors ahead,
they speak for themselves.

i have not allowed room for rewards,
for He is absent.

my dreams have been deceiving me.

there is no rain.
there are no curls in my hair.

what trickery is this reality!
such confusion, taunting!

surrounded by prospects

life is too complex sometimes. is it possible to have too many options? i yearn for that year of simplicity.