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ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic! ecstatic!

don't tell

i think i may have finally learned my lesson.
it tends to be one event after another.
and i hate explanations, especially to those who matter not (to the event at hand).
i wish this event would just move forward.
lately i feel i have been taking steps back, to the side, or in place.

disappointment drains my mind.

it's true.
i leave room for dreams down each path.

for some reason i thought about death being the unexpected... event... to occur this year.
not my own, but a death no less.

let there be morning

god's creation is vast and nothing short of beautiful, but i seem to have a distorted sense of what his creation spreads over. sadly, however, i cannot bring myself to regard people moreso than sunsets, moutain landscapes, forest paths, or winding rivers. so often they repulse me, but then again, so do certain desert views...

tear drops don't stain my sheets

the winter is ending and i feel robbed of time. i am left wondering how i may be able to bring more meaning to life and to those around me. sure, i am viciously tempted to live glamorously, but oh how i'd love to be humbled. i am now into february and ready to see and experience new things. i am afraid of being left alone or not being approached by my hopes. feeling is fading quickly.

i ask

why do i want them to wonder?
why do i want them to notice?

i've always had the easy life.
i've never had the easy life.

nights are the worst.
day does not bring much hope, though.

close proximity

the last person i want to disappoint is you.
it's the worst feeling.

also, i discovered something in those words: _____

once again

i put a pen to paper,
lit a candle,
drank red,
and wrote ceaselessly.

where this has gotten me before
i do not know,
but perhaps new beginnings are still allowed.

new faces

this could be a problem.

/distraction
/catastrophe waiting to happen

i didn't start the out...

i don't think about you everyday anymore--at least that's what i think.
i did today, though.
i wanted to tell you things.
you listen well and it's comforting.

one of my greatest fears is losing your familiarity.
the day and the night bring separate thoughts sometimes.
useless.


i hope we turn out okay.

the sick cycle

take away my vision.
take away my freedom.

only sacrifice,
only restriction will save me.

busy has become an excuse of the past.

through

i am sick of the sores.
i am tired of the irregularities.
i am over the unwanted pattern.
i am done with the gross mess.

i am fucking through.

there's never a beginning or an end. it's a continuation.

many of my recent issues have subsided.

yet new ones have come into the light. others have re-surfaced.

but amidst all painstaking changes, i am hopeful.



the future is never dictated--and that instills unrelenting comfort.

a road unseen

perhaps neither is the right choice for me.

remember when i thought choices were a good thing?

i create nothing but discontentment.

can a heart really change?

some habits never die.

guilty pleasures, comfort zones, temptations.

options and heartbreak

there is the one currently

then the innocent, yet untruthful side activity

and of course my greatest addiction.

apparently i cannot decipher my own feelings.

i should not be allowed to pursue relationships.

i hurt people and confuse myself.

i'm not gonna lie

it's hard.

it's hard not to think of you.

everything about this is hard.

maturity

i don't think it's the alcohol talking,

but i may be ready for an adult relationship.

i need to at least try.

too many adolescent habits.

inherent nature

human cravings are insatiable.

just look at me. guilty!

blood

why is it so hard to be compassionate towards my parents?

give me the needle

i think i may have found an answer,
something to cover up the scars.

i think the pain of the procedure would be far less excruciating than the pain i have lived with, the pain i still live with, and the pain i will surely live with.

drastic measure are okay.
i have to cope. i need this.